To kill a mocking bird in soho

 

the.holistic.psychologist
Verified
HOW HEALTHY PARTNERS REPAIR (and stay emotionally connected):

1. They deal with conflict, directly: they don’t let things linger and both come to the table to openly communicate.

2. They validate their partner’s feelings *even when they disagree with them*: “I understand this really hurt you” “I can see why you feel this way” We don’t need to agree with someone to understand how they feel.

3. They actively listen: they allow their partner to speak without speaking over them. They listen from a space of curiosity (when when triggered) to better understand where there partner is coming from.

4. They own their role: they open and humble and apologize when wrong. This means releasing the ego and defense mechanisms.

5. They don’t fight to win, they seek compromise: they want to win and navigate as a team and have each other’s best interest at heart.

6. They stick to the issue at hand; they don’t bring up the past or bring up absolutist statements (“you always do x”) They speak about the current issue and find solutions, together.

7. They affirm love for each other: conflict can be very stressful or overwhelming (especially when we grew up in homes where conflict meant blow-ups or loss of love.) Post conflict they let their partner know they love them, appreciate them, and that they’re committed to the relationship #selfhealers
2 w

missionsoulignition
You are so right- this stuff is programmed into the subconscious mind so it can be very difficult to override in the heat of the moment when you’re in fight/flight! Nervous system regulation, self validation and reprogramming the subconscious mind have really helped me be a better person during conflict as well as what you said💗
2 w

poet.holly.d.oswalt
My parents had rough arguments. I found out his parents' arguments would sometimes get violent- throwing dishes and breaking each others' stuff. I told him while we were engaged, that we were not going to act like either set of parents. We decided the best way to create a safe home was to let each other know if we were angry, go to a different room to cool down and think of how we want to talk about what made us angry, then talk about it and work through it. If emotions start running high, separate for the moment and come back when calm. We don't run from conflict or hide our feelings. We discuss all the issues without regret because we do not name call, raise our voices, or speak ugly to each other. We calm down and talk it out.
2 w