She shut me down

Crushed across all things, till nothing is straight. Robbed till I cant speak,. Fuck you suzy Q. Your fog is the home of my regret. MB

Between freak out and panic..fabric modem off.

 The whatsapp ECG.

The ward is like a great wave, as things collect and gather; threatening to land on any shore, so often mine. I try to keep the centre, to live and give as I think and die, offering things, so many times- too much of what I've got. So I walk the plank soothing, and bestowing and smiling too much. Administering alms, touching forheads, blessing unsoothable babies. I like the space, and this time, it does not feel too much. The clients are moderated, there is no under stone, or dying thug, that wants to eviscerate around me. Maybe it is the mix of man, and woman blood, they some how, out hostile each other out, creating some fucked up some enchanted circle, where their monsters use each other for ballast. Today was irritations interspersed with adventures, the snake of traffic, coiling back to acton mainline, slow action, the challenge to walk, relenquished in the end to the slowly moving dumb forward, simultaneously hurtling us pieces into space. But some how I made it, and took the line, through early chores, and clinical come backs, culminating ina cardio reg whasapp hoe -down around 4. Pacing it was always about that, even on the way home, post coconut bounties, and nearby places to grace. I disgorged in to the plaza station, the platform, in the west, always a welcome arm, on which to to rest. Even now with the new ways home. Leafy late arrays,  of dusty crumbling leaves. Shower followed by removal, and then the calm, despite the blast. The world has coiled around it's self, it sits trimerous cavitating around it's centre. It is  the seedy run down decay of old majestic houses, that have given their best away. The world is falling in beyond the ears, it's silence has become a deathly motion. I fear soon it will snap, and in the blinking of an eye, lay it's self down all the way.

trying to refind lines,threads and spaces .

 

locks, rejas and rain traps done.

 

what to do for the best

 Let go of people who aren't ready to love you.Stop showing up for people who have no interest in your presence.Truth is, you're not for everyone and not everyone is for you.The people and things you give your time and energy to, will define your existence.You’ll start to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you, is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.

Maybe if you stop showing up, they won't look for you.

Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship ends.

Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for weeks.

That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing that was holding it was the energy that only you gave to keep it.

That's not love, that's attachment.

It's giving a chance to those who don't deserve it!

You deserve so much more.Make your life a safe haven, in which only people "compatible" with you are allowed.

from Aphra to police checks.

 

Him.

Yesterday was robust and steady in it's form. little steps, moving like some prelude to some great leap forward; except for that which sat behind the tongue; Gathering full force with it's own silence. Awaiting the first note. Shapeless and heavy within it's own weight, squat behind the never been said, but continually replayed. I don't remember when it first stuck, except to say that I was small, and still standing on two good legs, that for the most part still walked straight. But something stopped the momentum ; turned the light to grey. Something rooted me in, tied me to this spot, and put me in my place. But even then, low within the quiet, a storm weathered on. Rampantly defying- as big and black as any storm that he owned. Quietly, uncomfortably, it settled. Concealed below ground- waiting in it's new home. And wise it was  to lock it's self down, to hunker in, and curl up, hardening like a ball. Curing and tempering with the time, forgetting what happened, but somehow still quite remembering it all. Till one day, dying on it's prominence, in the rancour of forgotten speech, tangible within invisible emanations it would finally learn not to speak, Defiance curled, defiance worn within a mouth, as a new as the day was born. A reminder to the bland at heart , that beyond the beauty of the rose, inside their dwells a thorn. MB

Have to submit an input form today.

 The stag.

There was a brightness where the world gaped in, thrown against shattered glass. But beyond that silence . She lay stiff against the pain, within the blood and the bright, trying not to move or expand any further than beyond the slight mists of her own breath that fell within the body of the wreck. Name: Nothing- only the fast thump of cold, and something bleeding, gently seeping out, mixing with the fragments of the road. Her leg.? she sought it, scanning through the mirror of her pain, for blank forms and missing pieces. The extremities that absorbed the impact, an impact that still hovered like some near strung wave, slowed into seconds, sheered across momentary memories, all strung out like glass beads, hitched and folded, onto some some expanding frame. Name: she tried again, but still the brain could not explain, beyond elementary things that fire between the surfaces, autonomic after the mind has stopped. Even now as she lay expanding into fear and filth; her body letting it's self open catapulted beyond all previous control; she saw the beauty of the thing now dead, absolute white against the winter's morning. Tall and rising. both horns, six points. Quiet on the road, except for her approaching noise. And for a moment it had taken her breath, even as it had eyed her perfectly- for a moment she had stopped to wonder, and then. : Impact. MB