A lump of wood in the media room

https://perchance.org/newyear

A year of rising to the challenges, leadership, hard yards and growth.

 Even if it doesn't work out you did it and you finished it. ( unlike your reading challenge)

Movement reveals pain. RE working it's way out.

 

The sacrificial me. ( yoga in the afternoon)

 

In Cognitive Psychology the action of sacrificing and denying our own needs, wishes and beliefs in order to please others, their needs and wishes instead, is called subjugation. When we do this, we are essentially treating ourselves as less important than other people.

Typically, people who are subjugated, display some common traits. These are:

• Being eager to please others at the cost of their own needs
• Feeling that they are responsible for the well-being and happiness of others, resulting in taking care of others
• Feeling guilty for prioritizing themselves
• Being prone to seeking the approval of others
• Worrying that saying no or confronting a subjugator will result in rejection and anger
• Feeling guilty
• Being prone to anxiety
• Feeling that they do not have control over their own lives and choices or that others control them
• Being unable to take major decisions for themselves
• Being unable to express their own thoughts, opinions and needs

The reason for becoming subjugated may be because we feel obliged to help others (self-sacrifice) based on a belief or conviction that we hold, i.e. it’s my responsibility to take care of this, or that we somehow feel responsible for the well-being, happiness, needs and wishes of the ones who are close to us (parents, children, siblings, friends, partners, colleagues). This can even be extended to acquaintances and strangers that we perceive as less fortunate or more in need. In some cases, it can even be an inability to deal with the control, power and influence that people seem to hold over us (submissiveness). While everyone else seems to have control over their lives and choices, we do not and it’s in this out of control position that we are more easily influenced and subjugated.

With time, we can start to feel exhausted, suffocated, oppressed and burdened by this weight and responsibility. Eventually we start to lose the ability to claim our freedom because all the choices we make depends on what is needed by others first. Life can start to lose its sparkle and, as we start to deprive ourselves of our own needs, we also start to lose focus on what is the purpose of our life. As a sense of loss of fulfilment sets in, we might also start to resent others.

But brace yourself: this vicious circle can be stopped!

Seeing Through New Eyes

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” ~Maya Angelou

The turning point was realizing my cruelty. My kindness to others had blinded me to how cruel I was being to myself. Trying harder and beating myself up for where I was failing was just more cruelty.

However much I did, no gold star was ever going to come from outside to officially certify I was “enough.” If I was to become a truly kind person I needed to start learning to be kind to myself.

It was hard. I had to stop constantly being the most helpful person around. But in my mind, at least, that’s who I was. My profession, my relationships, and my identity were all based on that. If I wasn’t that, what was left?

I was like an addict in withdrawal. Without the regular feel-good boosts of appreciation from others, I had to face all the difficult feelings I’d had about myself for as long as I could remember—the guilt, fear, and insecurity I’d developed when I was a sensitive kid who felt like he didn’t belong and always thought he had something to compensate for, atone for, or prove.

But at least I was now pointing in the right direction, so every step was progress.

Each week was a little better than the last. Spotting when I was being too self-critical and learning to be kinder. Holding back from fixing a problem someone could easily fix for themselves.

For example, unless my partner specifically asked me to help solve a problem for her, I learned to empathize, encourage, and support her so she could work it out for herself.

Stepping back meant some things didn’t get done, took longer, or went wrong. But sometimes they went better than if I’d tried to fix them. Who knew? And sometimes the person asking decided it wasn’t important after all.

More importantly, though, by learning to hold back I was allowing others the space to develop, while weaning myself off the quick, feel-good boosts I got from helping others.

Of course, this didn’t happen overnight. Changing deep patterns takes time. But each small change sets you up for the next one. It’s a gradual positive, self-reinforcing cycle.

So what did I learn?

Be Your Own Best Friend

If people tell you you are your own worst enemy, how about becoming your own best friend?

Many of us are better friends to others than we are to ourselves. We’re kinder, more supportive, and more willing to stand up for their needs.

You’ve heard the “golden rule”: “Treat others how you would like to be treated.” That holds true the other way too. Treat yourself how you would treat a good friend.

If you wouldn’t say something to a good friend, don’t say it to yourself.

If you wouldn’t ask a friend to put up with something, don’t put up with it yourself.

You’re as much part of nature as they are and just as important. Plus, looking after yourself is your job!

Make Friends With Your Flaws

You’re not perfect.

Big news: No one else is either.

Even bigger news: You don’t have to be. Thinking you have to be perfect is part of the problem.

You don’t have to make up for simply existing. You don’t have to be gooder than good.

No one can give you the gold star that certifies you as “enough.” And you can’t get it through your accomplishments, how good you have been, or how many people you have helped today. You have to learn to give it to yourself. It’s your basic pass for being part of nature.

This doesn’t mean you’re perfect. You’re not. It means making friends with your flaws.

Support Yourself

There’s a humorous office sign that reads “The beatings will continue until morale improves!” We laugh at the sign, but many of us carry an idea that the harsher we are to ourselves, the more likely we are to change.

The opposite is true. Research shows that people who are compassionate toward themselves are better able to take on feedback, grow, and change. They find it easier to adapt because they’re already comfortable with themselves.

They’re less fragile because their whole sense of identity isn’t on the line. They know that what they did isn’t who they are. They can open up, connect, and learn.

Self-compassion doesn’t mean glossing over your failures or challenges. It means supporting yourself while you’re putting them right.

Stop Putting Yourself Last

You’re not so special that you need to be last.

This isn’t about becoming selfish. It’s about balance. You’re as deserving of love and good things as anyone else. Not more. Not less.

You might need to learn how to be more assertive. That could be difficult at first. Support yourself while you’re learning.

Be Patient

It isn’t always easy. It takes time. But once you’re pointing in the right direction, you’ll start feeling better each week. And as you feel better about yourself, you’ll feel less of a need to be everyone else’s hero in order to receive their appreciation and validation. And you’ll become as good a friend to yourself as you are to everyone else.

About Andrew Cain

Andrew Cain helps people who are “too nice for their own good” become better friends to themselves by teaching them how to stop rescuing and people pleasing, get on their own side, and stand up for themselves without feeling selfish.  You can get his free Love Yourself guided meditation and Get On Your Own Side course here.

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No yoga betrayal..

 "It's hard if you're not a pushy person to assert your needs, but I would say that one blessing of this condition is that it taught me to stand my ground in ways I hadn't been able to before.

I also found who loved me enough to bear with what they thought/think is madness, who was intelligent and cared enough to research for themselves, and who was empathic enough to just believe me.

A lot of people can do the first one, but it's not always that they will get it first time around. If you're one of the lucky ones then a few people you know will do the second or even the third. They're the gems. "  Elvis Arrpegee

self care, health, purpose, alignment,

 

Dirty old man games..

Fuck you and your handsies; old crumbly Mr mansie; you and that ogling drooling eye; drag- draggling your hard-on across my parade.. No I won't let it slide.. blackened by the kick from my thigh,  I'll gladly  tread you under foot. There's no more borrowing from my lunch. From here on in, every fucking touch is going to cost you. Are we clear old man?  MB

Zooming plato the republic.. as the stars align. #great conjunction

 Jupiter, newly in Aquarius, meets up with Saturn. It's a historic conjunction, the start of a 20 year cycle, one that will thread its way through society and humanity over the coming years. For us, it's time for a new vision, a new way of thinking, and a new future.

This conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn is what's called a Great Conjunction, two of the largest planets in the solar system coming together as one. Because Jupiter and Saturn are law and order planets and speak more to life at the level of government and politics, these conjunctions foretell a societal change.

Aquarius is systems and networks, technology and science. It's a sign that talks about the form of movement and the shape of ideas. Aquarius is also the last element Air sign and, ruled by Saturn, wants equity, balance, and harmony. (If those sound like Libra keywords, let's not forget that Saturn is exalted in Libra, which means it does its best work in the sign of partnership.)

What's notable about this particular conjunction is that it commences a series of conjunctions in Air signs for the next two hundred years. Yes, the Great Conjunction opens a 20 year cycle, but one that nests within a larger cycle that spans two centuries. And this cycle is about Air — movement, connection, exchange, networks, ideas, information. The last time we saw the Great Conjunction play out in Air signs was from 1186 until 1405.

Of course, we're talking about huge cycles of time. You and I will not be here to see how this plays out. But what we do know is that something is shifting. It may not be so evident at the moment, but over time the world will see shifts in science and technology. Information will be shared in new ways. Transportation and movement may see a radical change. New ideologies may shape our lives — for better or worse.

Two hundred years ago, however, Jupiter and Saturn lined up in Earth signs starting with a conjunction in Virgo in 1802. But it wasn't until 1842 when the cycle was fully in Earth after a dip back into element Fire in 1821. Around this time, historically, we saw a shift towards industry as well as a change in our relationship with the earth as a whole — for better or worse.

What does that mean for us on a day-to-day level? Is this the start of the Age of Aquarius as some have predicted?

Personally, I tend to be a little more cautious, especially because no one can agree on when the Age of Aquarius will begin or whether it already began. The reality is that humanity has — and always will have — two sides to it. Let's hope that we reach for the highest potential over the coming years and decades.

Read for your Sun and rising. Again, this speaks to a two decade arc of time.

Aries and Aries Rising — It's a new beginning in friendship, connection, and community, one built on shared ideals and shared faith.

Taurus and Taurus Rising — It's a new beginning in career and profession, one built on new ambitions, new goals, and new alliances.

Gemini and Gemini Rising — It's a new beginning in faith, philosophy, and education, one built on ideology, new institutions, and shared convictions.

Cancer and Cancer Rising — It's a new beginning in emotional connection, vulnerability, and the psyche, one built on going deep within to find transformation.

Leo and Leo Rising — It's a new beginning in relationship and connection, one built on finding balance and equity in all forms of partnership.

Virgo and Virgo Rising — It's a new beginning in health and wellness, one built on new systems to take care of yourself, get organized, and to find daily balance.

Libra and Libra Rising — It's a new beginning in how to express yourself, one built on taking yourself, your talents, and your voice seriously.

Scorpio and Scorpio Rising — It's a new beginning in home and family, one built on new foundations as well as shared vision and common value.

Sagittarius and Sagittarius Rising — It's a new beginning in communication and learning, one built on intelligence, voice, and sharing.

Capricorn and Capricorn Rising — It's a new beginning in money and stability, one built on new systems to create income, gather resources, and a new material life.

Aquarius and Aquarius Rising — It's a new beginning in your life, one built on rising up to new challenges, new responsibilities, and new leadership.

Pisces and Pisces Rising — It's a new beginning in spirituality and inner search, one built on letting go of what's holding you back and answering deeper existential questions.

Yesterday's groceries.( in Diez)

 You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

John's annoying me.

Saturn arrives in Aquarius, the sign of humanity, community, science, and technology. Over the next two years, until March 2023, we’re building new networks. We’re innovating with science and technology. We’re understanding the importance of equity.

For a deeper look at Saturn in Aquarius, read Saturn in Aquarius: Building Humanity

Aquarius or Aquarius Rising — The self, growing up, growing older, new beginnings. After two years of retreat behind the scenes to reflect, rest, and let go of the past, Saturn’s arrival in your sign marks a new chapter. (In fact, it’s a new 29 year chapter. Let that sink in.) As a result, the next couple of years, until 2023, may be marked by personal milestones. In short, Saturn is asking you to grow up, to step into a position of authority in your life, to be the person people look to for answers. Note that Saturn may speak to health concerns or weakened vitality. It’s important to take care of your body at this time through fitness and diet. It’s not uncommon for there to be weight loss when Saturn is in your sign.

Libra or Libra Rising — Identity, persona, creativity, talent, children. Do you take yourself seriously? Do you make time for your talents and creativity? Over the next few years, until 2023, you’re prioritizing yourself. You’re also getting clearer about who you are and what makes you unique. You may also be starting a creative project or even starting a family. Regardless, it’s a time for you to have a stronger sense of who you are and, if you’ve historically, hid yourself, it’s time to step into the spotlight.

Cleaning the fire grate/resurrecting the chakras.You shall go to the ball.

 Saturn is at the end of Capricorn. We close out a chapter that began at the start of 2018. It's been an uphill struggle, only because Saturn set a high bar. We also had to clear things out in order to build something new. Today we reflect on our work of mastery.

High five, everyone. We made it. The real countdown clock isn't for the end of 2020, but rather Saturn's time in Capricorn. Normally this would have been a three year journey of personal excellency and mastery, getting us back in alignment with our spiritual and material goal posts. But we had Pluto in Capricorn joined later by Jupiter in December 2019. Pluto showed us our spiritual blocks, the stuff we didn't want to look at. It forced us to clear space. Jupiter just supersized it.

Don't let this day pass you by if you can. Connect the dots. Look for the common thread, the common story that not only started in January 2018, but also started in 2008. What have you achieved? What have you learned? What have you built? For a refresher, read Saturn in Capricorn: Sign by Sign in the link below and note the work you did on that part of your life.

Saturn won't return to Capricorn for another 30 years.

Tomorrow Saturn arrives in Aquarius where will remain until March 2023. A new part of our life now demands our attention as well as a higher state of excellence. But this is not a completely new story. We got a preview of Saturn in Aquarius from March 21 until July 1, 2020. Learn more about Saturn in Aquarius: Building Humanity in the link below.

The last three years:

Libra or Libra Rising — Home, family, foundation, emotional connections. You’re in a new season, a new phase of life, one that is all about building a foundation for yourself. You can’t get more fundamental than home and family, the support for which everything rests on. Over the coming three years you may make a major move, plant down roots, build a home, or settle down. Capricorn is the sign that represents your roots, your ancestry, but Capricorn can feel like a hard sign, one marked by the duties and expectations of family. Make sure you are tending to what nourishes you on a deep level and allows the totality of your life to flourish.

Aquarius or Aquarius Rising — Retreat, rest, recuperation, surrender, endings. You’re at the end of a cycle, a long journey that has arced across your life. As a result you may be feeling call to pull back, to reflect, to figure out what it all means after all these years. Over the next three years your spiritual life will be a priority and you will be building a framework for how you connect to the All, the Divine, the Universal. This may bring an existential crisis, a feeling that the things that were locked down and well defined in your life are suddenly not. Saturn, your ruling planet, is pushing you to find the things in the invisible worlds, the quiet space within yourself. Just let it all go, let the cosmic tide take you where you need to go.

Healing and reeling. Eclipse/solstice season

Neptune in Pisces

Aquarius and Aquarius Rising — Income, value, stability, material life. Your connection to what you own, how you make money is transforming. You need to bring more spirituality into your material life. You need to let go of and heal what you’ve been holding onto. What you think you need or what you think you value is an illusion. The seduction of the material world. Earning or using money for charitable or altruistic purposes.

December

The other big news this month is Saturn and Jupiter’s arrival in Aquarius on December 17 and 19 respectively, followed by a historic alignment on December 21. (In astrology this is called a Great Conjunction and only happens every 20 years.) It’s a time of new beginnings on a world level as well as a collective shift in focus.

A lot’s being made by other astrologers about this conjunction. True, apart from a conjunction in Libra in 1980, this conjunction in Aquarius marks a shift towards element Air — communication, connection, ideas, innovation, technology — and all the subsequent conjunctions will be in Air signs for the next two hundred years. It’s possible that we’re on the brink of a greater societal shift, one that will likely coincide with major technological breakthroughs. (We all live on Zoom right now, right?)

But we have to consider that every sign has two sides and while Aquarius will help us find our humanity and, hopefully, build new structures that are based on equity and fairness, Aquarius will also show us our inhumanity and our inequity … two halves of a whole. Then again it’s Sagittarius Season. One has to remain optimistic.

As previously mentioned, Saturn and Jupiter switch signs this month, and Saturn’s final two weeks in Capricorn is very much a consolidation of the lessons we’ve learned — lessons around accountability, hard work, structures, power, and boundaries. Did we step up to Saturn’s high bar over the past three years? Have we built something that is solid and sustainable?

When Saturn arrives in Aquarius, it’s not only a return to events from March through the end of June 2020, but a return to events from 1991 to 1994, the last time Saturn was in Aquarius. And for all of us, there’s a certain part of our life that will now need more serious attention. 

Saturn demands equity and balance. So if there’s a certain part of our lives that are out of balance and Saturn just so happens to be turning its attention to it, the next few years will be a major push to get things in order. For others, it may be a time of milestones and achievements and new ambitions. If Saturn in Capricorn was about building something physical, then Saturn in Aquarius will be about building new systems, networks, and technologies.

Rejas/ Ros work and sweet damp.

 

Double layer on the bed. Connecting with process through who am I today? and breath. Life waiting on the wings.

 "December 10 — You can't have an eclipse without the lunar nodes. And right now the lunar nodes are in the signs of Gemini and Sagittarius. Add a new or a full moon to the lunar nodes and, voila, you have an eclipse.

Here we are, just a few days from a Sagittarius New Moon that's also a solar eclipse. If new moons are new beginnings, then solar eclipses open powerful six month chapters, ones where our lives can go off in a new direction or change stories.

So we're in a liminal space at the moment. Things are moving, but not quite in focus. New characters are waiting in the wings. Others are preparing to leave. Since Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, we're questioning meaning, faith, truth. We're looking out to the world, but cannot travel. We're reexamining what we believe in. We're setting off on a new adventure.

The solar eclipse is on December 14 at 23 degrees Sagittarius."

The toll of life.

 

Lapsing through the layers, the up-filters and throw backs of mind. Remembering the un-memory, the loops and crashes of recent life.  A brain full of forgets.  Uplift  and spoken loud mantras ushering the new urge to forgive. But  deep dark circles confirm the trouble in my life.  Me interred inside a bunker without a view to the outside. I  I long for a desk and a half hidden urge to write. The solstice coming,  gently slipping in its entry with little waves of optomistic vibes  MB.  

Solid forms of walls and worry.

 

. Eyes to the wall, heart to the grave. The low grade hum of nerves rattling. MB