Pounded yam heart. ( Deny the wound because that's what you did)

"One of the hardest experiences a daughter can have in a mother/daughter relationship is seeing that your mother is unconsciously invested in your smallness. ..
This presents a dilemma for daughters raised in a patriarchy. The longing to be your real self and the longing to be mothered become competing needs; there's a sense you have to choose between them. This is because your empowerment is limited to the degree that your own mother has internalized patriarchal beliefs and expects you to comply with them. Pressure from your mother to remain small comes from two main sources: 1) the degree she's internalized limiting, patriarchal beliefs from her own mother and 2) the level of her own deprivation which comes from her being divorced from her real self. These two things cripple a mother's ability to initiate her daughter into her own life...
Ruptures in the mother line can take many forms: from conflicts and disagreements all the way to distance and estrangement. It's a personal journey and it's different for every woman. Ultimately, the rupture is in the service of transformation and healing. It's part of the evolutionary impulse of the awakening feminine to be more consciously empowered. This is the birth of the "non-patriarchal mother" and the beginning of true freedom and individuation...

On one end of the spectrum, for healthier mother/daughter relationships, the rupture may cause conflict but actually serve to strengthen the bond and make it more authentic.
On the other end of the spectrum, for more unhealthy or abusive mother/daughter relationships, the rupture can trigger unhealed wounds in the mother, causing her to lash out or disown her daughter completely. And in some cases, unfortunately, a daughter will see no other choice than to maintain distance indefinitely to maintain her emotional wellbeing. Here your mother may see your separation/rupture as a threat, not a result of your desire for growth, but as a direct affront to her, a personal attack and rejection of who she is. In this situation, it can be heart-wrenching to see how your desire for empowerment or personal growth can cause your mother to blindly see you as a mortal enemy....
Unhealthy systems need to be disrupted in order to find a new, healthier, higher-level equilibrium. It's a paradox that we actually heal our mother line when we disrupt the patriarchal patterns in the mother line, not when we remain complicit with the patriarchal patterns to maintain surface-level peace. ..
For mothers who have been particularly deprived of their own power, their daughters can become "food" for their atrophied identity and a dumping ground for their troubles. We must let our mothers have their own journeys and stop sacrificing ourselves for them. ..
It is precisely this function of mother as 'provider of initiation,' which launches a daughter into her own unique life, but this role is possible only to the degree that the mother has experienced or found her own initiation. But the healthy separation process between mothers and daughters is greatly thwarted in a patriarchal culture.
The problem is that many women live their entire lives waiting for their mothers to initiate them into their own separate lives, when their mothers are simply incapable of providing this.
It's very common to see the postponement of the grief of the mother wound, with women constantly going back to the "dry well" of their mothers, seeking the permission and the love that their mothers simply don't have the capacity to provide. Instead of grieving this fully, women tend to blame themselves, which keeps them stuck. We must mourn how our mothers cannot give us the initiation they never received themselves and consciously embark on our own initiation. ..
The rupture is actually a sign of an evolutionary impulse to separate from the patriarchal threads of our mother line, to break the unconscious enmeshment with our mothers fostered by the patriarchy and become initiated into our own lives. -
It's important to see that we are not rejecting our mothers when we reject their patriarchal beliefs that say we should stay small in order to be accepted. What we are actually doing is claiming our life force from impersonal, limiting patterns that have kept women hostage for centuries....
The process of healing the mother wound is about finding your own initiation into the power and purpose of your own life. "

http://www.womboflight.com/the-rupture-of-the-mother-line-and-the-cost-of-becoming-real/

War: it's a no from me.

Mortal.

Artist: Jonas Patterson

Lahore Circle. Nuts and dates

Nice day at the Tate. Artists Anwar Shemza and Jo Spence. Photos © MB

Forced write: story gone.

The wound has stoppered itself. A containment of nothing. No harbingers of hurt; just a mouth now empty of places to show. A walled numb that says nothing  MB

Rebel with a voice.

Therapy Would Kill My Creativity

By Douglas Eby

“I want to keep my sufferings. They are part of me and my art.” Painter Edvard Munch
“I had the feeling therapy was good for my writing very early on.” Filmmaker Agnes Jaoui

Referring to Munch’s statement, psychiatrist Kay Redfield Jamison notes in her book Touched with fire: Manic-depressive illness and the artistic temperament:
“This is a common concern. Many artists and writers believe that turmoil, suffering, and extremes in emotional experience are integral not only to the human condition but to their abilities as artists.”
She adds that many fear that “psychiatric treatment will transform them into normal, well-adjusted, dampened, and bloodless souls — unable, or unmotivated, to write, paint, or compose.”

 “There is a great deal of evidence to suggest that, compared to ‘normal’ individuals, artists, writers, and creative people in general, are both psychologically ‘sicker’ — that is, they score higher on a wide variety of measures of psychopathology — and psychologically healthier (for example, they show quite elevated scores on measures of self-confidence and ego strength).”From post: Creativity and madness: The Abnormal Psychology of Creativity.
Of course, therapy is not only for presumed disorders – it can be counseling for greater self-awareness. And the experience depends as much on the expertise and personality of the therapist as the form of psychotherapy they most use.

The values of therapy for creative people can include dealing with real mental health problems, and also increased self-awareness and understanding of other people, all of which can be valuable for anyone, but particularly for enhancing creative expression.
Woody Allen has had decades of therapy, and noted, “People used to say, You’re using psychoanalysis as a crutch. And I would say, Yes. You’re hitting it exactly on the nose. I’m using it as a crutch.”

“I used to call therapy my part-time job.”  Actor Michelle Pfeiffer

Psychotherapist Dennis Palumbo, M.A., MFT, works with many screenwriters, and says his clients “have the usual issues everyone has, except they’re struggling in one of the most difficult, arbitrary, and maddening businesses on the planet.”
[From article: Therapist to the Hollywood Stars.]
In our interview several years ago, actor Heather Graham made a thoughtful summary of why she chose to use therapy:

“Acting is telling a story, and you’re part of telling that story… in some ways therapy helps more than acting class. You realize why you operate in certain ways.”

And that can help any of us be more authentic, aware, alive – and creative.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/creative-mind/2010/06/therapy-would-kill-my-creativity/

All hail Kim Chi.. and violet

Bastogne.

Renee Lemaire and Augusta Chiwy. RIP

Coerced by shame.

Sleep takes everything down through the layers of forget. ~ The harlot daughter.  MB

Morning pages V meditation

“Morning Pages are about action. Unlike conventional meditation, which may lull you out of taking action, the pages magnify our discontent, pointing out actions we could take. The pages tend to point out our many choice points. We are egged on to increase honesty and candor. Our lives become our own. We no longer sell ourselves out, giving our time and energy to others’ agenda. We have a choice whether to invest in other or ourselves. Investing in ourselves is novel for many of us.”
When it comes to which one to do first, according to Julia Cameron… “Pages should come first. They tell you your concerns and point you towards actions you can take. Meditation by contrast, tends to talk you out of action. If you have a problem, you take it into Morning Pages, you will be given a sense of a possible next step. If you take the same problem into meditation, you may find yourself so spiritually “high” that no action seems necessary.”
This was a lightbulb moment for me!

Morning Pages = Action
Meditation = Balance
Both are important and both are needed as we strive to ever improve our lives, reaching higher and higher into what we are put here on this earth to do in this lifetime.
So, for me I have now moved Morning Pages as the first thing I do every day as part of my daily routine. It’s back as part of my solid foundation for checking in and building up a stronger drive and direction on where I am going and what I want to accomplish. I am even happier because of it.
Meditation has moved to the evening so that I am able to integrate my day and balance it all out. This also helps with having a tremendous night’s sleep.
Morning Pages have also been referred to as an active meditation, so for me, this combination works wonders and I feel I am getting the best of both worlds packed into one day.
Have you ever done Morning Pages or Meditation? How do you incorporate them into your daily life?
Hugs!

1

http://nataliemariecollins.com/morning-pages-vs-meditation-a-powerful-insight-i-recently-discovered-on-the-big-difference-between-them/#comment-8546

The palace of pain and 40 days.

Part One - 30 Days of Inspired Creativity 

Healing Your Emotional Pain 

Unprocessed emotional pain creates a resistance to moving forward. As you slow down to listen within, your old emotional pain will rise up to be healed first. We often avoid our authentic progression because the hard emotions come up to be healed first and they are painful!

But, on the other side of the hard stuff is more mental clarity, emotional freedom, and the peace of finally allowing yourself to feel what you likely have been avoiding for a long time. As you begin to daily map out your inner world and ask yourself good questions, all of your feelings will point the way to how to heal and move forward with your life.

Your unique direction in life will only become clear after you feel, understand, and integrate the layers of your stored emotional pain. Small changes can begin immediately if you take regular time to allow your difficult feelings a little bit more expression each day.

Step by step you can begin to become familiar with the landscape of your own emotional contractions and fears and learn what is needed for you to live a consciously rich and intentionally authentic life.
http://www.expressiveartworkshops.com/expressive-art-e-courses/daily-journal-e-courses/

Remembering the met.

Down gone under.

No resonance over the mainland

Artist : Harry Paul Ally