About to airport: On the cusp of a gemini full moon, and ive got that ambivalent not sure if I want to go back angst

 Transform, believe manifesr

Casa de Carla Fernandez Y Pedro Reyes.

 " It seems to me that our existence itself is kept aloft on an infinity of absences. All our lives are lived on the boundless tide of sorrow of those who have passed before. We lurch around the world in all our desperate and splendid humanity and, whether we realise it or not, our lived condition is forever saying “Whatever happens now is for them.” This is how we honour humanity itself, as the living testimony of those no longer with us. We who remain, continue." Nick Cave

Beyond the break..

"Nothing ever plays out the way we think it will, this is why it’s so important to not be attached to specific
outcomes. Trust the unfolding."

Copyright MB

Downstairs neighbours, equally empty, equally to be loved, equally a coming Buddha.. ( All things happen outside Diss)

Woke up safe/sad to leave. Ride to the station, early morning  pret. No veggie brioches, just waiting sun, and a low rise on majestic stone. Window watching  a homeless  man rolling his first cigarette of the day, stretched out, languidly at ease as if in his very own bedroom,  double thickness duvet,  mat-like  beneath him .A dark haired Buddha, strewn and possessed.

No veggie brioches, had to contend with bacon.

Nondescript hotel, plush levels, carpeted floors,  corporate  sign boards lighting the way,  pretend-friendlies with proclaiming hearts , the mass-welcoming of Dr X. We are all the same. Me and the five dwarves- five men and me, all shades of old world and brown crinkly skin. The one with the stiletto moustache, who fought in Sadam's army; the quiet African and  the geriatric imp-twins, white haired nostrils and ears,  riotous, emphatic out-liers,. All but one-  the new friend who carried my colours  while I battled  the potbellied trainer/intruder; he  and his  " weak women and strong men". Nobody blinked  till I spoke. Female Challenger charging his white bellied certainty as it hung over his belt; mock bearded privilege stretching  all the way to his power point. This is 2018 for God sake! After, when it was over, after the heat had been shed and the blood had been spilt, reflected on, fed back and rated; new friend took me to the bus stop, called me a tourist, and  put me on the no 10. Oxford street, where on certain days  experience means more than flimsy shoes, and those experiences lead to a sun trap  by the sea; except it wasn't sea, it was swans and ice-creams wrapped   in bright smiles and peddleboats; and an enthusiastic engineering German, who said he like the way I read; kerouac on a suit case, or was it the way I sat?. " I need something like that" he said. I suggested Hot Yoga..But clocks  rang, all the way to the top of the park, past the woman of the stripped top and  brown wedged shoes, the  very one  I'd seen  earlier on in the day in a city of how many millions? This was more than speed and lights and suitcase pulling, even as I made it to  the track and gave my dinner away, all the while  waiting for a little magic train that  was losing it's  way. MB

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